I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
