So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
