i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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