White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
