Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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