My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
