this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
