does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Farmville is her only friend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
