have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
