After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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