my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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