tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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