I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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