why didn't you poke me back
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.