You're so nebulous sometimes
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.