Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises