It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.