if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...