every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm passing your future prison.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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