I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We need to get me chipped asap
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
