we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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