I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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