the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
