I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
