I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
