How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize