Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
