So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
