but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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