When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
