I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
