theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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