do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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