Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
