Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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