help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
