Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
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what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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