Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
