Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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