I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
