Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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