Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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