he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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