I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
