did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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