Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
