My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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