Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm passing your future prison.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
