I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Barsexuality is the new black.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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