why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
