I think I died a long time ago.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
