Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
