5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
