we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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