The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
