I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
