hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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