please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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