Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
