My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
