six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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