Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
