So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
