It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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