i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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