Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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