I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
