i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
