I just made out with a guy for $7.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
