Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
