I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
