i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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