I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
