She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
