So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
