my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
