Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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