He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
