Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
