New invention idea: vibrating tampons
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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