It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
