I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize