I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
