today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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