people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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