awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
